The Heart of the Fight
Authors: Judith Wright, EdD and Bob Wright, EdD
FINALLY!!! A REAL book that WORKS!
For years, I have read about “fighting fair’, about how to get along with your partner, etc. AND yet, I always brought along SNARKY AVA in my relationships! SNARKY AVA was that sarcastic, you are not perfect MEAN little girl who wanted my men to adore me, adore me, adore me and then put down the toilet seat after wafting lavender oil into the bowl every time they went to the bathroom! NOT!
I had no idea how to fix this.
I am a therapy woman, and I get along really really well with my girlfriends. So why did I turn into Witch Bitch around men who wanted to go out with me? Four letter word. F E A R!
As I read through The Heart of the Fight I decided to try out all the suggestions. The difference in The Heart of the Fight is that the authors go directly to GO without stopping in JAIL! They state that the OBJECTIVE is what is important. And the objective in a loving relationship is to know enough about your old baggage to own it, and to use that knowledge to get to your GOAL which is “what is the yearning behind your anger?”
I know I had a rough time growing up, as most of us did. And when I decided to get vulnerable, all of my partner’s “annoying thingies” became part and parcel of what was old stuff for me. He didn’t have perfect teeth? My parents made me wear braces for 8 years and I HATED it. I resented them for wanting me to be perfect. I wanted to be loved for ME not my looks or perfect little girl act. And guess what! That was what was behind my criticism of my partner’s crooked teeth: it was my anger as a child that I had to have perfect teeth!
This book is worth its weight in gold and then some!
I have read so many books on getting closer, getting this, getting that, but to stop those games like You Love _____ More Than Me, or Let’s Make Chaos and Fight, the authors reveal the true yearning beneath our fights: I never felt loved, please love me, I never felt wanted, I never felt seen, I am terrified of making a mistake, I am invisible, etc. Once these yearnings are realized, fighting becomes a way to heal as both partners get vulnerable and authentic and realize that the fight is about something yearned for, not something “out there.”
I found this book an amazing tool in my arsenal of what I call Growing Up and Growing Wise. One of the very BEST books on healing and relationships, and so easy to read, The Heart of the Fight goes to the true issues. It touches on how therapy doesn’t always work because we have to be willing to go deep and honest WITH EACH OTHER. And through that vulnerability, we find love and closeness.
Bravo to the Wrights, who have penned a book everyone (not just couples) should read!
Ratings are based on a 5-star scale
Review by Broad “A”
We received a product to facilitate our review. All opinions are our own
The Heart of the Fight: A Couple’s Guide to Fifteen Common Fights, What They Really Mean, and How They Can Bring You Closer is available at Amazon.com and other booksellers.