FINALLY! An intelligent book about patterns and issues – past present and future – and how they impact our love relationships. After 30 years of therapy (honest injun) I have finally found a book that states my beliefs: of course, we will always repeat our compulsion with picking Dad for a mate – HOWEVER, it’s what you do with it (AND you have to make sure that the man or woman is NOT abusive or demeaning in any way).
OK. I’ve said it. I’m in a fairly new relationship – after 10 years of not even looking at a man! Partly because my former husband and I had counter issues that we allowed to rear their ugly heads without trying to control our emotions – and partly because I lost all confidence in my judgment of the kind of men I pick. I KNOW I repeat my patterns with men – I like a man’s man, men who exude power as I feel that I am a powerful woman, and I am. What I didn’t need was the CONTROL FREAK part of the equation. HIS or MINE. So when Broad Z held up the Nirvana of relationship books – I grabbed it. MINE. MINE.
And I was clearly not disappointed. First of all, Dr. Ruti AGREES with me that John Gray (Men are from mars, Women are From Venus) is a delinquent idiot. I remember my ex and I going to one of his “lectures” – and I almost puked. This guy was DELUDED and making millions with his written words. She says (I couldn’t agree more) that men and women are NOT different and that we are not evolved from the little grey beings out there in outer spacieville. What I LOVED most about this book – which states in no-nonsense language – is that we DO and SHOULD repeat our patterns and lay open our wounds with those we love most. Just pick men that can handle our wounds – and theirs. Let the healing begin.
Bob and I have had a few full tilt WOUND fights – AND we learned a lot about each other after talking about them, thinking about what was mine, what was his, where we had to be sensitive to the others pain. And we don’t make the same mistakes twice. And we have a healthy relationship – for today. I never go beyond today. I would have told you this was IMPOSSIBLE two years ago. I was finished with failing with men.
Ms. Ruti’s book is full of straight from the horse’s mouth truths that after many years of therapy rang true to me. No crap at all. Not only was this refreshing, but the honest and COMMON SENSE manner of writing held my attention and riveted it to Ms. Ruti’s wisdom.
If you are in a relationship, if you are not in a relationship, if you are any tiny bit alive and well in I WANT TO LIVE A GOOD LIFE WHO-VILLE, pick up this book, read it, treasure it; and leave it on your bedside. Ruti explains the difference between loneliness and solitude, commitment fear and space, and well … she hits every keynote and she plays every song and dance brilliantly. I still remember reading Melody Beatty when I was in the throes of co-dependence (Co-Dependent No More) and thinking, yeah right, Beatty, easier said than done. It took 15 years of excellent therapy to step out of that trap. This book does not assume to do what Beatty and Dr. Phil and Oprah do – minimize problems that are NOT cured with 5 seconds on a TV camera. She delves into the real realms of what relationships mean and don’t mean. In other words, she is pragmatic and realistic in a manner that does not throb with IF YOU DO THIS OR THAT YOU ARE SAVED. Nor does Ruti fall into the trap of women should play hard to get – men like to pursue. Rather she defies these stupid games and tells us to be vulnerable and honest, and since that is the only way that I can live my life, I LOVED her.
So if you have the courage to really want to be yourself, stay yourself, and have a real life relationship with a real life man with all of your baggage plowing along in the tides, do as I do. Treasure the real truths that very few books today have to offer. Treasure the real tools that it offers. This is one of the best. And DON’T TRY TOO HARD says Ruti. Amen I say.
Thanks Dr. Ruti. Finally, a dogma that stands up to scrutiny. Amazing book – amazing author.
The Case for Falling in Love: Why We Can’t Master the Madness of Love — and Why That’s the Best Part is available at Amazon.com and bookstores nationwide.
Ratings are based on a 5-star scale
Review by Broad “A” – Ava
We received a copy of this title for our book review. All opinions are our own.