Author: Karl Pillemer, PhD
In a large, detailed survey of older American couples that have had long term marriages, Dr. Pillemer asked specific questions about love, relationships and marriage. He then compiled the information into this book. As Dr. Pillemer asks his couples questions: “How do you know if the person you love is the right one?,” “What are the secrets for improving communication and reducing conflict?,” “What gets you through the major stresses of marriage?,” and other valuable questions, we, the reader, enter into the homes and lives of people who have been married long term successfully. Their answers are honest and true and amazingly tender at times. I am just starting a relationship and since I am not very knowledgeable about how a successful one works, I wanted to simply swallow this book and digest all the great information it gives to those of us who need these words of wisdom. They are not ancient words nor difficult ones; respect one another, consider the other person’s view and opinions, work as a partnership, do little things for your partner often, keep the relationship fresh and romantic, take day trips together, remember to tell your partner he or she is attractive/beautiful ….
In other words
- Treat your beloved as you would your best friend.
- Do not say those words that will hurt and that you cannot take back.
- Always use diplomacy.
- Do not hurt each other with the “brutal truth.”
I was not raised in a family where these policies were practiced by my parents and have spent my lifetime catching up. Empathy, caring, selflessness – these characteristics I have had to learn. Patience is another huge lesson I have learned. These lessons have been a challenge for me and I adored this book. As Dr. Pillemer tracks the many couples who have learned to truly communicate and care for their partners in a loving way, both men and women, he shares the 30 lessons of loving with us.
I have seldom read a more interesting book on the topic of coupledom, and after reading 30 Lessons for Loving, I continue to pick it up to reread a chapter. For what this book teaches is we are all full of fear, and yet the only way to have a close and loving relationship is to learn how to cope with the fear and learn the vital lessons of vulnerability, honestly and caring that are required in any relationship. A great compendium of stories and lessons, this is one of the best books on relationships that I have read (and I have read them all).
Ratings are based on a 5-star scale
Review by Broad “A”
We received a copy of this title for our book review. All opinions are our own
30 Lessons for Loving: Advice from the Wisest Americans on Love, Relationships, and Marriage is available for purchase on Amazon.com and at bookstores nationwide